Block

She grabbed the paint brush out of the pile in the cup and looked down at the blank canvas. The canvas just stared back, mocking her. Just sitting there and looking as blank as a hospital wall. She picked up a little of bright orange paint on her brush and held it over the canvas. Just held it there, not knowing which way to move her brush, but hoping she would get the feeling, “that in the zone” feeling where something takes you over.

Nothing.
Blank.
Silence.
Empty.

She forces her hand down and makes one stroke with the brush. One bright orange line appears. Now, it is just a white space with a small orange line. Still nothing comes. Now the orange line begins to mock her. It sits there looking out of place. She feels empty, alone and out of place. She has always wanted to create beautiful things, but they never seen to please her. She has tons of canvases that have been painted over and over and over again. They are heavy with paint and all have began to look brown. Nothing she does turns out the way she pictures them in her head. She wants to create something beautiful.

Nothing.
Blank.
Silence.
Empty.

She can’t get her hand to move in the right direction or the paint to flow the way she wants it to or the paper to sit the way she sees it in her mind. She wants to create. She wants to do everything, but everything seems to come out like a horrible amateur. Is there no magic in her hands? Why does she see the images in her hand and just can’t get them out on paper. She sees everything so vividly and wants to get it out. But, they all seem stuck. They are stuck in the emptiness inside.

She looks back down at the orange line. She takes her brush and puts it into the red paint and adds a stroke next the orange line. Now she has a blank canvas with an orange and red line. It is laughing at her. Telling her that she should stop now before she ruins the rest of the canvas. She turns away frustrated at the laughter in her head. The laughter stops and she turns back around and looks at the canvas, it is silent again.

Nothing.
Blank.
Silence.
Empty.